Beyond 4/20 Read online

  Allison, on the other hand, the girl he began dating once John came back into Chelsea’s life, didn’t see things the same way. Early on she didn’t say much about it, but soon enough, she had plenty to say. Mostly she said it was unhealthy, confusing even, for Lucy to maintain such a close relationship with someone who was not her biological mother. She thought Chelsea was selfish and controlling to keep the relationship going. A few times, she blamed Tuck for encouraging the relationship, accusing him of waiting in the wings, hoping for more with Chelsea by keeping the door open between her and Lucy. None of those things were true.

  Just a few days before Chelsea’s wedding he told Allison it was over. Since then, she had called repeatedly, hoping to work things out, but Tuck’s mind was settled. Technically, it was settled against her even before it began. How could he pretend with her when no matter what, he was still in love with Chelsea? He was no longer waiting since such a thing would clearly not honor God. Chelsea was, after all, another man’s wife, but neither was he moving on. He wasn’t ready for that. It hadn’t been fair to Allison, and their brief time together had turned out disastrous, so he knew it best that he not put anyone else in that position.

  Since he wasn’t waiting and he wasn’t moving on, he didn’t know exactly where that left him. That’s what he pondered this night. All he had ever known was waiting for what he believed to be a promise. At the memory of it, Tuck’s lips formed into a soft smile. He always did at the recollection of that day.

  When Chelsea was fourteen, she stepped on a rusty nail in the barn and it tore through her sneaker. Though it didn’t seem to do much damage at the time, within a few hours, she was burning up with a fever and having problems breathing, so her mother rushed her to the emergency room. Since they decided to admit her, Tuck’s mother went to pick up the little kids at the hospital. He rode with her.

  While their mothers talked in the waiting room, Tuck wandered into Chelsea’s room and stood watching her as she slept. There was something about seeing her lying there like that; it scared him. She was extremely pale and had a needle sticking in her hand and tubes taped to her arm. That was what really scared him for her, the needle. Of course at the time he didn’t realize she was simply hooked up to an IV. For a fifteen year old boy, it all seemed very serious.

  He couldn’t remember life without Chelsea around. Because she was such a tomboy she had been following her brother Bobby and him around since she was little bitty. Three years younger than Bobby and a year and half younger than Tuck, Chelsea never had a problem keeping up. Whatever they got into, she did too, and he liked her for that. She wasn’t scared of snakes or spiders. She was never ultra-girly, but that day in the hospital she seemed breakable, and he wondered if she might die. In those quiet moments standing over her bed, he decided that the thought of losing her scared him much more than the needle.

  Prior to that, he had heard from God. Though he never really told anyone so, he had. It was always a leading voice as God would tell him to say this or that, or to be kind to someone, but that night, He spoke so clearly that Tuck was never the same afterward. God whispered into his heart that Tuck would take care of Chelsea and love her unconditionally. He believed it and considered her his already.

  Next, he did something that he had never told a soul. He leaned over and kissed her. It wasn’t exactly on the lips, but neither was it on the cheek, kind of there on the corner of her mouth. That kiss was his first kiss and hers too. She just never knew it. From that point forward, he began patiently waiting.

  Knowing Bobby as he did, Tuck would never try to begin a relationship with Chelsea when she was so young, so he decided that the time would come and that he would know when it was right. That time came a little more than a year later. She was fifteen and he was nearly seventeen. Though he didn’t really move on the feeling right away, he at least started seriously considering it. It was around that time that she had her first boyfriend. Well, not technically a boyfriend since her daddy wouldn’t allow it, but he was a friend who was a boy. His name was Brandon and he was a sophomore, same as Tuck. Since they were on the baseball team together, he knew Brandon better than she did and had an opportunity to hear how he talked about girls he had been with. Brandon was only out for one thing, and Tuck wasn’t about to allow him to get that one thing from Chelsea.

  One Friday night they were eating burgers after a ball game. It was Chelsea, Bobby, and Tuck. She mentioned Brandon in passing, but when she did, there was this little twinkle in her eyes. He suspected she was really beginning to like him.

  A while later, when Chelsea went over to another table to talk to friends, Tuck asked Bobby, “So, are you gonna let her get mixed up with that guy?”

  Bobby had been more focused on his burger than the conversation. “What guy?”

  “Brandon. The guy Chelsea was just talking about.”

  Bobby turned to look at Chelsea and found she was talking with a group of girls, so he wasn’t so concerned. At least there was no immediate threat. He shrugged.

  “Brandon, the one who brags about all he’s done. You know, Squirrel?”

  Bobby had given Brandon the nickname his first day at practice and it stuck. Likely, with Bobby being a senior and Brandon a sophomore, he had no reason to learn his real name and clearly had no idea about him and Chelsea.

  “Squirrel? That little horn dog? Not with my sister!”

  The words were no more out of Bobby’s mouth when Brandon walked in. Bobby jumped to his feet, walked over to Squirrel, and bumped his chest into him.

  “You touch my sister, and I’ll hurt you. I mean like change your life kind of hurt you. You got it?”

  Tuck watched Chelsea’s reaction to the exchange between the two. At first glance, she appeared angry. Within seconds, Brandon left and Chelsea confronted Bobby. When he told her some of the things Brandon said about other girls he had been with, Chelsea seemed to change her mind about him. She trusted Bobby. She had every reason to. Though overprotective and sometimes a bit suffocating, he had nothing but her best interest at heart, and she knew it.

  That night, Tuck had diverted what could have been Chelsea’s first real relationship. He knew he didn’t have much time before another guy started sniffing around her, but he just wasn’t ready to make the way with Bobby. He feared it would somehow hurt their friendship. In the long run, it did.

  Months after that, early in the summer, Tuck and Bobby were swinging into the creek from a rope while Chelsea swam. They had done it a thousand times over the years, so when Tuck landed as he did and cut himself, no one could figure how it happened. He was bleeding so badly that he needed stitches. Bobby, though, never one with much of a tender heart, wouldn’t allow Tuck to ride in his new-to-him truck fearing he would bleed all over the seat. So Tuck was forced to ride in the bed of the truck, and Chelsea insisted she ride with him and keep pressure on the wound. Those were the first moments when everything began to change.

  As they rode, a few times when she looked at him, he saw a new shyness in her eyes. They had hung-out all their lives, and he was quite certain he had never seen such a look. It was as if she feared he would see something she intended to keep hidden. At the time, he wasn’t exactly sure, but he suspected that maybe the time had come. Maybe that was what he had been waiting on: her to know it too.

  In the ER, Chelsea went into the exam room with him while Bobby waited for Tuck’s mother. After his initial exam, once they were alone, he saw it again, that unusual look on her face. When he caught her looking at him, she smiled softly and looked away.

  He insisted, “Don’t do that.”

  “What?”

  When she asked, she seemed rather embarrassed or as if maybe she feared he had seen too much, so he assured her, “You never have to hide anything from me.”

  Reaching out, he touched her cheek. “I feel it, too.”

  She sighed and moved in a bit closer. Resti
ng her forehead on his cheek, she asked, “You do?”

  He trailed his fingers beneath her chin and lifted her face to look at him. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

  “You have?”

  Her words were quiet, nearly a whisper. When she looked up at him with those wide and innocent eyes, he knew it then: he would love her for the rest of his life. He leaned in and kissed her softly, exactly where he had first kissed her, neither fully on the lips or cheek. Grinning, he admitted, “I’ve been waiting for that, too.”

  Realizing his mother was standing in the doorway, Chelsea jumped back like a scalded cat, embarrassed at being caught.

  “Well, I see you’re being well taken care of.” His mother was smiling, nearly as embarrassed as the kids.

  Soon the doctor came to begin stitching his shoulder. When Chelsea moved to leave, Tuck grabbed her arm and said, “Stay with me.”

  She nodded and moved back to stand near him. Tentatively, she took his hand and at the same time looked up at him with the sweetest expression on her face. As the doctor stitched, he winced in pain but tried to focus only on her and the promise. Leaning his head toward Chelsea’s, Tuck whispered, “I’m gonna marry you someday.”

  Grinning, she whispered back, “I know.”

  Tuck jumped down from the hood and opened the truck door. Reaching into the glove box, he pulled out his old Bible, the one he used back in high school, and sat with it in the passenger’s seat. Easily, he flipped right to Psalm 27, the thirteenth verse. It was circled, underlined, and in general, marked up. He had made notes with dates. It read:

  “I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.”

  It was the verse he had held onto since he was a junior. This day, though, as much as he felt he should let it go, he couldn’t. Something still stirred within in him when he read the familiar passage. He reminded himself, the heart lies, feelings lie. Everything, every piece of evidence told him to let go, but God’s Word said to hold on. So he would hold on.

  Chelsea sat across from John as he was finishing up a phone call. Behind him was a wall of artwork, Lucy’s artwork. Some pictures were of the three of them together, but many were of John and Lucy alone. The ones of Lucy and her were taped along one wall in the kitchen. Lucy was not a very good artist, but she was an enthusiastic one at least, and she brought home at least one each day when school was in. Once school was out, John had a small painting desk brought into the office, so she currently worked on most of her artwork there with him. The desk was situated in the spot he had reserved for a crib someday.

  Since they returned from their honeymoon, Lucy had been with them often. Especially once school ended, she spent three to four days at their house each week. Eventually, they made a room just for her, decorating it as she wanted. Lucy was a very girly girl and liked pink and princesses. For John and Chelsea both, it felt as if they were creating a room for their own child. They enjoyed it as much as if Lucy was theirs. John was so fond of Lucy and wanted to do so much that many times Chelsea would have to bring his big visions back down to earth. When he began calling around to find an artist who would paint Lucy’s room to look like the inside of an actual castle, Chelsea vetoed that. She would love for Lucy to have it but was more concerned about Tuck’s feelings. For Lucy to have so much at their house, a castle of her very own nonetheless, and then have to go home to her ordinary room might cause Tuck to feel as if he were not doing enough. Always, Chelsea was careful about such things.

  Chelsea was so pleased by John and Lucy’s relationship that she often watched them interact through the eyes of the woman who would someday be the mother of his children. He would be one of the best dads she had ever known. Parenting came naturally to him. He was kind and patient, never too firm, a fault, though, when it came to cookies and ice cream and most areas where Lucy needed to be told no. Because of his age and maturity, he understood what was important and what wasn’t, so he was able to let the little things slide and talked to her respectfully about things that did matter.

  Once, Chelsea was in the laundry room as the two of them were making sandwiches in the kitchen. Listening in on their conversation, she heard Lucy say, “I think I’ll get an old boyfriend someday.”

  John chuckled, saying, “Not too old, I hope.”

  “Not as old as you. I think I’m too young for that.”

  The conversation went on for some time with the conclusion being that Lucy had plenty of time to think about boyfriends.

  Those were the moments that Chelsea cherished most, just watching John be magnificent and Lucy be precious. They were creating this family together that filled Chelsea totally full. As much as John brought her happiness, Lucy brought her a different kind of fulfillment. For as long as she could remember, Chelsea had wondered what her purpose was. She sang and served in the church, went to business school and did little with her degree beyond the charity work she did through the Keller Foundation, and had become a wife to her dream man, but ultimately, it was Lucy who gave her what she felt was true purpose. She mattered in Lucy’s life. They mattered in Lucy’s life. That thought caused a knot of remorse to bind her stomach. If only she would have been a part of her life all along. Regret over missing out on Lucy’s early years stung more and more as Chelsea loved Lucy more and more.

  When he set the phone on his desk, John grinned, asking, “Where’ve you been?” Holding out his hand, indicating that she come around the desk to sit with him, he added, “I thought you were working this morning.”

  “I had to send out a few emails, but I used my tablet.”

  Climbing into his lap, she nestled in and rested her head on his shoulder, asking, “How much longer do you have?”

  “I have a conference call soon. I’m done after that.”

  Chelsea noticed a new picture. It was John and Lucy working side by side, her at her paint desk and him at his big desk. When she leaned in to inspect it more closely, she informed him, “I think she has a mini-crush on you.”

  Chuckling, he asked, “You think?”

  John was crazy about that girl. He couldn’t count the number of times he was on a call when she came in his office, and without thinking twice about it and no matter the importance of the call, he would tell whoever it was he had to go. She giggled a lot, which he liked and would do most anything to get her going. For the first time in his life, he understood what it felt like to be a dad. Hopefully they would have one of their own someday – they had sure been trying – but until then, Lucy was as close as he had come. Without a doubt, he knew that when one of their own did come, he would be just as fond of Lucy as he would be that child. Sometimes, he feared, maybe even more so.

  She pointed to the new picture. “When did she do that?”

  “Yesterday.”

  John sighed. “I love my art wall. You know, the other day Mark noticed it in the background of a video call and burst out laughing since he thinks me as a dad.” John paused, pondering, “A step-dad, or whatever I am, is hysterical. He thinks my life is hysterical.”

  “What do you think?”

  Truthfully, she was still pretty amazed by how he had changed. Other than church, she hadn’t even seen him in a suit since they married. Soon, they would be traveling to L.A. and he would likely suit up then in his businessman costume, but she liked this new, casual John. He seemed at peace.

  “I woke up this morning thinking about that exact thing. When we were on the way to Malibu, I had all these big plans in my head. I realized you didn’t have school and I didn’t have the same work load, so we could travel more. Now, here we are, parents in a way, with this little girl who has me wrapped around her little finger.”

  Pointing at his latest picture, he said, “I have a Lucy instead of a Monet. I eat at home every night and hang out with my father-in-law. Lif
e is totally different than I anticipated.”

  Chelsea thought about that, realizing that because of her relationship with Lucy, John’s plans were so altered.

  “I’m sorry this isn’t what you hoped.”

  “What I hoped? Not at all. It’s better, much better. I wouldn’t take all the money in the world for this life. The only thing I can even think of that could make it any better will be when we have another one, one who lives here full-time. I miss Lucy when she’s not here. I really do.”

  His words were like the sweetest song that warmed her heart. She had thought he was happy, at least he acted tremendously happy, and his feelings for Lucy were never pretense. Often, it was he who would suggest they get her an extra day. They had walked for ice cream together so often that Chelsea finally had to ban ice cream until the weekend. John and Lucy’s relationship was just as impossible to believe or explain as hers with Lucy. None of it made any sense. The fact that Tuck allowed it at all made even less sense. No matter how often Lucy wanted to come to their house or how often Chelsea called to ask if they could pick her up last minute, Tuck always said yes. He truly only wanted what Lucy wanted, and more often than not, she wanted to be with them. That made Chelsea sad for Tuck since he was a wonderful dad.

  “I was thinking,” he said tentatively.

  John didn’t know how Chelsea would react to this one. She was still protective of Tuck, so much so that it often caused a bit of ridiculous jealousy to rise up within him.

  “Since her birthday will be after school begins, what if we take her on a little trip before she starts back?”

  Already hesitant, Chelsea said, “Hmm, I don’t know. School is next week.”

  More than anything, she dreaded asking Tuck. She figured he would say yes, but it was more the fact that he couldn’t do things like that for Lucy that made her uncertain. He would give her a normal birthday gift, and they would take her out of town. Chelsea knew first-hand what a trip with John consisted of. It would be something amazing, something to cause Lucy to go on and on about it in front of Tuck. The thought of how that would hurt him caused her to more than hesitate. It simply wasn’t a good idea.